DC's Best Places To Get Porn
During Christmastime, thoughts turn to days of yore like gifts from Santa, grandma's cooking, and the convenience store being your sole source for smut. But St. Nick's a fraud, grandma's been dead since '97, and the Internet has made porn ubiquitous. The holiday season, however, provides a good reason to buy skin mags-- if you're visiting your family, how else are you going to get your porn fix? Do you dare risk a peek at Mr. Chews Asian Beaver on your dad's computer? Christmas is the perfect time to relive your misspent youth. Head out to the convenience store and pack a slim brown paper bag with Cheri, Juggs, or Barely Legal Babes. Rip open the plastic wrappers on the drive home, stash the magazines in your shirt as you book it past your mom, and then finally, finally, enjoy your time alone. Here are some of the best places in DC to partake in that salacious stroll down memory lane. If we missed your favorite source for shots of clean-shaven cooch, please share your suggestions in the comments or tipline, pervs. (photo)
National Geographic Museum at Explorers Hall
1145 17th St NW
Washington, DC 20036
[link]
The Video Rack
1723 Connecticut Ave NW
Washington, DC 20009
Located underneath The Leather Rack, the Video Rack's offerings are "100 percent gay, baby" (that's what the clerk said when I verified the store's offerings). So, if … you're in the market for a video that's only 90 percent gay, baby, go elsewhere. And after you rent your movie, head upstairs to procure some garb and other accessories for when you're watching it. (While you may want to leave your new Kong Realistic rubber phallus at home for the holidays, no one at Christmas dinner will notice your harness if it's under a nice festive sweater). There's another Video Rack on 17th Street NW (shockingly Dupont Circle merits two outlets). [link]
Pleasure Place
1063 Wisconsin Ave NW
Washington, DC 20007
While Pleasure Place is a self-proclaimed "toy store for sophisticated adults," online reviews make it sound like it's more popular with college students buying items for … scavenger hunts, picking up warming lube for roommates too nervous to step inside, or purchasing a new vibrator. You might want to pick up an extra helping of skin flicks here though. Though Pleasure Place offers movies to get your libido going, it's in Georgetown, so your J. Crew-clad fellow customers might stifle whatever lust you have in your loins. There's also a store in, you guessed it, Dupont Circle. [link]
Grafixx-Tattoo
1004 F St NW
Washington, DC 20004
On its MySpace page, Grafixx-Tattoo proclaims that it's "The sexiest Tattoo & Piercing spot in The DC area." Beyond strange capitalization, what makes it so sexy? … It's not just what it advertises ("Bigg Tits, Little Titz You Name It, Most Likely We Got It"), but it's also what they don't publicize that makes Grafixx so titillating-- the video booths in the basement, complete with glory holes. Just remember, using a glory hole doesn't mean you're gay; it could be a hot chick like Andy Dick on the other side of that wall. (photo) [link]
Capitol Video Sales
514 8th St SE
Washington, DC 20003
Located just five blocks from The Capitol, Capitol Video Sales offers two-for-one DVD rentals on school nights. Its ad also says, "Lowest prices: Toys -- Mags-- … HeadCleaners." Unless the ad is referring to the wipe the doctor gives you to use before providing a specimen, why does a porn store sell head cleaners? Can more pleasure be derived from a VCR than just using it to watch naughty movies? Or might head cleaners be a euphemism? There's also a branch in, no surprise, Dupont Circle. (photo) [link]
The Library of Congress
101 Independence Ave SW
Washington, DC 20004
The Library of Congress' porn stash would make our founding fathers proud. Just check out these 68 listings for a search of Penthouse. (I know, would someone please … donate one Penthouse-related item you're done using just to get the library's stash up to 69?) Sadly, there's no Black Tail. Viewings of some of the risqué collection are by appointment only, so you risk having a librarian peer over your shoulder as you enjoy Playgirl's Hunkercise. Of course, that experience might be just what you're looking for. (photo) [link]
