My NYC Dream Date with Lily Allen
I've always wanted to date a rock star. Musician ladies are usually hot and also kind of crazy. I like that. One such musician lady is Lily Allen. She's a 22-year-old British singer who has great tunes, striking good looks, and can drink you under the table. Best of all, she has the sexiest English accent. I really dig the accent. Lily generally dates older men-- famous musician and record executive types. In fact she's currently carrying the spawn of Chemical Brother Ed Simons. I don't sweat the competition though. Lily admits to constantly Googling herself, so she's going to read this lineup of stuff that I'd do with/to her on a New York date and be totally enticed. Don't worry Lily Allen, these things you're feeling for me are totally natural. My info's on the masthead, over there on the left. Call me.
Continental
25 3rd Ave
New York, NY 10003
At Continental, Lily and I can stay up until the small hours taking advantage of the infamous "5 Shots of Anything for $10" special. One time, I saw this drunk old man … pick up one of the shot trays, tip it back, and drink all the mixed up spillover liquor that collects on the bottom. He also gummed on the napkin from the center of the tray because it was saturated with booze. I'll bet he got wasted. I'm definitely going to have to try that out with Lily. Obviously, after some romantic binge drinking we'll grab a cab and head back to my place for many sexytime romantic explosions, and possibly also puking. [link]
Shebeen
202 Mott St
New York, NY 10012
This small Nolita lounge is an awesome date spot. You'll be able to get the booze flowing early, while still seeming completely classy in the process. Their …
cocktails are impeccable and the interior is elegant, sparsely lit, and intimate. Lily Allen will appreciate the dub reggae soundtrack. [link]
Chelsea Girl Couture
186 Spring St
New York, NY 10012
In my experience, ladies get kind of moody right after an abortion. This will be a good time to buy Lily stuff. Since Lily has a famous vintage dress habit, this Soho … boutique will be a great place to grab her a gift. It's a favorite of Hollywood stylists seeking to browse racks packed with secondhand frocks made by the likes of Pucci, Missoni, Gucci, and Yves St. Laurent. [link]
Planned Parenthood
26 Bleecker St
New York, NY 10012
Once we've had a few drinks and gotten friendly it'll be time to have a difficult discussion. Lily, I'm sorry, but I just can't deal with you having some other dude's … kid. When faced with my charm and dashing good looks, Lily will realize we're meant to be and she'll know what needs to be done. [link]
The Spotted Pig
314 W 11th St
New York, NY 10014
On her past visits to New York, Lily's been known to drop by the Spotted Pig. It makes sense since she's British, she loves to drink, and this great gastropub has an … extensive beer list and a chef who comes to New York via London. They also serve the best burger and fry combo I've ever had in my life. Perfect fare to fortify us for a long night of partying. [link]
