Waterboarding Aside, Your Guide to Guantanamo Bay

Whatever you think of the American presence in Guantanamo Bay, one happy fact remains indisputable: We have livened up the joint with familiar chain eateries and retail establishments. No White Castle though, despite the upcoming Harold & Kumar sequel set there. But assuming you're at liberty to roam the grounds or at least have escaped the first inside perimeter, where might you spend your hard earned cash and/or contraband?

Where to Eat: On the leeward side of the island (the prison is housed on the windward side) is the one and only full-service restaurant, The Captain's Gallery, where "everything is deep fried." Looking for equally unhealthy fare? Head windward and find suburban America's idea of paradise: "a Starbucks, a McDonalds, [and] a combined Subway-Pizza Hut." Oh yeah, there's also a KFC and a Clipper Club, "a small greasy spoon that serves fried hot dogs and pizza."

Where to Shop: Also at the prison base is a Naval Exchange, "a Wal-Mart-like big store." There you'll find everything from Guantanamo key chains and shot glasses to goggly-eyed fluffy toys. Not to mention you can also pick up a t-shirt sporting the slogan "I went to Guantanamo Bay, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt. Allegedly."

Where to Snorkel: Dip in to the bay's exceptionally clear waters and take in the exotic ocean life at Philip's Dive Pier, "a popular embarkation point for Gitmo divers."

Where to Stay: If you can't get access to the combined bachelor quarters, a.k.a. the CBQ -- basically a Motel 6 for sailors, charging $20 a night and offering a lobby pool table -- check out neighboring Baracoa for much finer accommodations, relatively speaking.

[Photo: Getty]