Gridskipper
This week, Eliot Spitzer's Washington escort romp showed us once again why DC has a well-earned reputation as a hotbed of sex and scandal. However, despite all those horny politicians, the capital actually has a fairly weak strip club scene. The powers-that-be in DC issue very few licenses for nude dancing and Near Southeast, the traditional stronghold of Washington strip clubs, is being taken over by condo developers and the Nationals' new stadium. Recently, such venerable establishments as Heat, Club 55, and the Nexus Gold Club have all closed. DC lap-dance aficionados were dealt a further blow back in January, when JP's Nightclub burned to the ground. As a service to our readers, I've mapped some of the DC-area strip clubs that are still going strong. If we missed your favorite, please let us know via the comments or the trusty tipline.
Good Guys Club
2311 Wisconsin Ave NW, Washington, DC 20007
This Wisconsin Avenue club made headlines a couple months ago when an angry patron came back after being kicked out and lit one of its bouncers on fire.… Good Guys is known for poor service, expensive drinks, and a lack of lap dancing, so it's easy to see why customers might get pissed. [link]
N 38° 55.14877 W 77° 4.18480
Macombo Lounge
5335 Georgia Ave. NW Washington, DC 20011
Cops reportedly once busted Macombo "after observing dancers being overly intimate with customers." Sounds like my kind of place! [link]
N 38° 57.16193 W 77° 1.40085
Royal Palace
1805 Connecticut Ave NW Washington, DC 20009
There's no cover at this centrally located Dupont Circle strip club. They claim to have "OVER 50 BEAUTIFUL DANCING SHOW GIRLS," but online reviews indicate that their lineup of dancers may be higher in quantity… than it is in quality. [link]
N 38° 54.51476 W 77° 2.45948
Irving's Club
52nd Ave & Jackson St, Hyattsville, MD 20781
Many DC residents who are fed up with the sorry state of strip clubs in their city seek refuge just across the state line, in Prince George's County, Maryland, where there's a large number of makeshift, semi-legal "garage strip clubs." Irving's is one of those underground spots. They… even had their very own shooting back in January. It doesn't get any more authentic than that! [link]
N 38° 55.50514 W 76° 55.51242
Legend Night Club
3225 Naylor Rd Temple Hills, MD 20748
If you want to check out a club in Prince George's county, but are freaked out by the sketchy back-alley stripping scene, then this is the place for you. They feature an "all-male revue" on Wednesdays and a popular… "ladies get in free b4 Midnight" deal, so The Legend has an unusually high number of female customers. Who knows, if you get lucky you might be able to meet a chick who won't charge you for touching her breasts. [link]
N 38° 50.58566 W 76° 57.28086
Camelot Show Bar
1823 M Street NW, Washington, DC 20036
Camelot's two floors have some very attractive dancers gyrating on them. Along with sexy seminude shots of their showgirls and servers, Camelot's web site features patriotic pictures and slogans: the bar is proudly… "Vietnam Veteran and Woman owned & operated." Maxim once called Camelot the "best nude club in the Northeast." God bless America! [link]
N 38° 54.20522 W 77° 2.31556
Skylark Lounge
1943 New York Ave NE Washington, DC 20002
The two stages at the Skylark Lounge are, according to one reviewer, "usually stuffed with two of the finest caramel fantasies in D.C." [link]
N 38° 55.2284 W 76° 58.32878
Archibald's
1520 K Street, N.W. Washington, DC 20005
This upscale strip club has food that would actually be worth eating, even if there weren't any pole dancing naked hotties here. The K Street location makes it an ideal spot for pervy power brokers and politicos.… [link]
N 38° 54.8286 W 77° 2.8155
Penthouse Night Club
3530 Georgia Ave NW Washington, DC 20010
Most reviews say Penthouse caters to an African American clientele, which is a polite way of pointing out that it's a place for guys who prefer big booties in their lives. I found one enthusiastic Penthouse fan… who assures prospective visitors that at least one of the dancers here is one of the greats: "This chick name Steph who goes by the name of Milkshake is off the chain!!" [link]
N 38° 56.1679 W 77° 1.26050
Comments
I hear the shrimp at Archibald's is great!
Check out the map of "Hooker's Division," the section of Civil War DC where the National Archives is now. According to the archives:
"Within sight of the White House: [the] section of Washington, D.C., known as 'Hooker's Division,' [contained] 50 saloons and 109 bawdy-houses."
[www.ushistoricalarchive.com]
There's really nothing new under the sun.
The name "hooker" actually comes from General "fighting" Joe Hooker, whose HQ at Falmouth Virginia was basically a brothel. After his stunning defeat at Chancellorsville at the hands of RE Lee in 1863, he was given the job of watching out after the bawdy houses of DC. The army actually made the maps of the houses and kept extensive information on who ran them and who lived in them.
The Royal Palace is excellent. There's a red head there who can literally "snap" her pussy... hence the phrase "snapper." Well worth the price of an $8 budwieser to see.
Otherwise, I'm a big fan of Good Guys, Archibalds, and Camelot. DC actually has some pretty decent titty bars in my opinion. Though I'm still kinda blown away by the BYOB joints out in Maryland. That just kinda surprised the hell outta me.
Also, I miss Nexus. I assume with the arrival of the new baseball stadium that Nexus is now kaput?
Oops! RTFA!
Nexus is indeed closed!
For a city with so many undersexed middle-aged balding men, it's ironic that DC's strip clubs are terrible.
Okay, wow. The Good Guys bouncer was burned over 90% of his body with second and third degree burns. His survival was given 50/50 odds. Your joking reference to this horrible crime is in very poor taste.
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