Downtown LA's Strip Clubs: Classy, Classier, Classiest

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This is downtown's reigning gentleman's club. There's a dress code. It's filled with overprivileged frat boys, blisteringly drunk lawyer chicks, and professional … strippers grinding their way into lonely businessmen's wallets. It's the kind of place that people with underdeveloped senses of irony tend to describe as "classy." In addition to the usual bevy of flirting and lap dances, entertainment is provided nightly by novices spending hundreds of dollars because they're genuinely convinced that "they've made a connection" with their stripper -- why else, after all, would the girl be acting so friendly? The current prize for the best comment about this venue goes to Yelp member Dave G: "'I'm just doing this to pay my way through college.' Suuuure. And I'm in here because the DJ plays really good music." Well played, Dave G. Here's a free topless dance coupon for your trouble. [link]

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In Germany a hofbrau is a kind of brewery that can trace itself back to ancient royalty. In Los Angeles a hofbrau is a topless club where there's free admission every day … and girls crawl on your table. It's also a place that LA Magazine ranked as the best strip club in LA. They even have a daily happy hour from 4pm-6pm every day. It includes a free buffet. You can't argue with a free buffet. Also it's a biker club. Bikers are neat. And in closing I have two things to say about this place. First: here is a current link off their webpage for one free Sam'swich with any drink purchase. It expires June 30, 2002. Second: here is a relevant Yelp thread titled "chubby strip clubs." By all means, enjoy yourselves. [link]

Owned by the same folks who run the Spearmint Rhino, this is the downtown location of one of the chain's two desperately upscale-dress-code-enforcing joints. The other … location is in the Valley -- yeah, shockingly. While both locations allow you to purchase lap dances with credit cards, only the Van Nuys establishment provides "delectable entrees and appetizers for the discerning customer." Sad. The downtown venue, though, still has "fully nude female entertainment" coupled with "both topless and fully nude private dancing." Plus there's no drink minimum. And every other Wednesday is a "contest night" where they give away $1,500 in cash. While I have no fucking idea what that means, here are some free passes. Don't say I never did anything for you. [link]

Their site promises customers nude lap dances from "the most beautiful girls in Southern California." These are girls who are beautiful on the inside and outside -- ergo … the "finger-lickin' free Bar-B-Q" that the establishment serves from 2pm-7pm every Sunday. "Free" is a relative term, since there's a cover of $10 at all times, plus a 2 drink minimum that you pay for at the door, and that will run you $8.50. But if you print out the free pass that's buried on their webpage you can get in free. As a special bonus the club is located in the far, far southeast corner of downtown. This is presumably to accommodate particularly self-loathing customers who, after blowing the baby-food money on strippers, want to get stabbed on the way to their vehicle. [link]

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