Pope Bennie's Berlin Vacation
Babylon on the Spree has been all atwitter this past week with the news that Pope Benedict XVI is planning to visit Berlin sometime next year. Big Bennie's visit, ostensibly to help celebrate the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall, will mark the third time he has returned to Germany since becoming Pope, but it would be his first time in Berlin. Born in Bavaria in southern Germany in 1927, Bennie visited his childhood home two years ago and even made it to Cologne back in 2005 to hang with the homeboys as part of World Youth Day. Since then, eighty-year old Pope hasn't been traveling much, spending most of his time dictating his memoirs to a cat named Chico. But just like the rest of us sinners, he has difficulty passing up an all-expenses paid junket in Berlin. Like every other newbie in the city, Bennie is sure to hit Berlin's notorious hot spots -- the after hours parties, fetish clubs, and dimly lit backroom bars which keep Berlin humming all night long -- while the daylight hours will be filled banging out emails and sipping milchkaffee or shopping for fabulous new Pope-wear in Mitte's fashion-shocked frock shops. God knows he's got the budget! But there is just so much to see and do in the city, and tourists (even those with a direct line to Mr. Big) are always running short on time, so we thought we'd help His Holiness by pointing out the places that are definite must-sees for every new Pope in town.
TV Tower
Panoramastraße 1a
10178 Mitte, Berlin, Germany
A great place to get a deity's eye view of Berlin. The TV Tower also offers Big Bennie the opportunity to get a little "nearer my God to Thee." Completed in 1969, the … tower was intended to demonstrate the technical preeminence of the Godless communists -- but the old Guy up above had the last laugh when it was noticed that the setting sun caused a reflection in the form of a huge cross upon the tower's sphere. This was quickly nicknamed by local jokers "The Pope's Revenge." [link]
St. Hedwigs Cathedral
Hinter der Katholischen Kirche
10117 Mitte, Berlin, Germany
[link]
Sisters of St. Hedwig
Dreilindenstraße 24
14109 Nikolassee, Berlin, Germany
When Bennie needs a hot date for a night at the Panorama Bar, he is sure to find a swinging sister here in Berlin's convent of St. Hedwig. Patron Saint of Brandenburg, … St. Hedwig was a thirteenth century duchess who helped the poor, gave all her cash to the church, and went barefoot in Brandenburg's icy winters. She died young. The St. Hedwig Sisters will be breaking out their best blue habits next year to celebrate the 150th anniversary of their order, and it should be quite the party! [link]
Ruined Franciscan Church
Klosterstraße
10179 Mitte, Berlin, Germany
These picturesque ruins in the center of Berlin mark the location of a Franciscan church and monastery founded decades before the city itself. Surviving for over seven … hundred years, they were finally destroyed by Allied bombing in April '45. Despite the church's current ruined condition, Bennie will still enjoy stopping by during the long August evenings to sample the conservation association's devilishly tempting program of jazz and summer theater. [link]
New Synagogue
Oranienburger Straße
10117 Mitte, Berlin, Germany
In our hectic, always-on, globally connected world there's no longer such a thing as a real vacation, as work is always only a phone call or e-mail away. … Bennie's controversial Easter message entreating us to "... also pray for the Jews: That our God and Lord may illuminate their hearts, that they acknowledge that Jesus Christ is the Savior of all men." means he'll be wanting to pop by the New Synagogue (site of the Centrum Judaicum, which presents the history of the Jews in and around Berlin) and get in a few conversions just to keep the Boss off his back. [link]
Bode Museum
Bodestraße 3
10178 Mitte, Berlin, Germany
Reopened in 2006 after extensive renovations, the Bode Museum has one of Germany's largest collections of Byzantine religious art. This Late Antique and Byzantine Art was … originally brought together from the Prussian "Art Cabinet" collections, but after World War II it was split up between East and West Germany, only to be finally reunited in 1992. Gallery after gallery of weepy Madonnas and agonized Saviors ensure that Bennie won't get too homesick for the interiors of his Vatican digs. [link]
Ave Maria
Potsdamer Straße 75
10785 Tiergarten, Berlin, Germany
Vacations just aren't complete without picking up a few things for the folks back home, and Ulrike Schuster's devotional store on Potsdamer Strasse is a one-stop shop for … all of Bennie's souvenir needs. Its extensive selection of Madonnas of every shape and size, candles, rosaries, and over forty types of incense guarantee something for everyone on the holy shopping list. [link]
