Dream Destinations Entry #4: Tokyo

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Like the city itself, my dream trip to Tokyo would be cute and kinky. I'd shack up at Hotel J Girl, a love hotel in Ikebukuro which looks like what would happen if Rainbow Brite bought a plantation and pimped it out. (It offers in-room karaoke so I'd have privacy to practice my Aerosmith ballads before going out.)

I'd drink expensive espresso at the world's only school boy cafe, where waiters dress as effete manga characters, and eat dumplings from a Chinese restaurant decorated with genitalia art. (I might have to visit a drag-maid cafe as well.) In between, of course, I'd stuff myself with the most amazing soba and sushi from holes-in-the-wall with menus I can't read.

I'd visit Tokyo's first feminist sex toy store, Love Piece Club, which has a secret location and is open by appointment only, to check out the space age electronics that haven't yet made their way west. (But when it comes to souvenir shopping, I'd hit up sex toy vending machines instead.)

After all the kink, I'd clear my head by admiring construction equipment decorated with adorable cartoon characters, and visiting the Izu Cactus Park where there are more than a thousand varieties of my favorite plant (plus chimpanzees!).

I'd drink hot coffee that comes out of vending machines in aluminum cans, and harsh grocery store sake from bottles shaped like pandas. I'd buy adorable stationery and write filthy accounts of my adventures.