Upscale Clubs for Berlin's Other Half
The DIY ambience that has come to define Berlin's basement club culture has proven too babyish for many of the city's more mature clubbers, assuming that "mature" means showering in cologne, donning a designer-brand encrusted muscle tee, and gelling your faux-hawk until it resembles a dead porcupine. In light of the dollar's steady decline, Europe's privileged classes have a real reason to celebrate, and for Berlin's nouveau riche, it's no longer enough to snort a mountain of speed and run around the labyrinth halls of the city's cavernous clubs. They've done it all, and much like the stretch pinstripe shirt that still dominates their wardrobes, they've outgrown it. Let the nu rave kids sweat it out in the cellar, the nouveau riche kids are moving up to rooftop views, champagne flutes, and VIP rooms. In honor of their graduation, here's a quick list of the most expensive, garishly overdone, and elitist clubs in Berlin -- for whenever you feel like taking out the euro trash. (Please, like you didn't see that one coming.)
Puro Skylounge
Tauentzienstraße 11
10789 Charlottenburg, Berlin, Germany
On top of the hideous Europa Center on Ku'damm, Puro Skylounge does come with beautiful views over the city. The décor is gimmicky and overdone, the prices are too high, … and occasionally the club promoters will pass out invitations and then not let anyone in after 11pm, but, um...the view is good. Good luck getting by the bouncers. [link]
Maxxim
Joachimstaler Straße 15
10719 Charlottenburg, Berlin, Germany
Maxxim's interior is faux ornate in that design-conscious, overly accessorized, and perfectly color coordinated way that makes you want to scratch your name into every … single surface with a shiv. The clientele here is better looking than at most other clubs, but they're also more impressed with themselves. Reserve a table if you want to make friends with the locals. [link]
Bangaluu
Invalidenstraße 30
10115 Mitte, Berlin, Germany
Word on the street has it that Paris Hilton tried to buy this club during her last (and first) visit to Berlin. Luckily the owner said no, but that doesn't mean he's … innocent of being a douche. Bangaluu has an irritating logo, a VIP room, and all the necessary trimmings (White Bar, Silver Room, etc.) for the title of cheesiest club in town. Bangaluu's saving grace is its terrace, and it's also helped by its eastern location, which puts it within walking distance of much, much better clubs. [link]
Annabelle's
Mecklenburgische Straße 22a
10713 Wilmersdorf, Berlin, Germany
Prinz Magazine recently touted Annabelle's as a rich kids' club, and they weren't kidding -- at least, not about the kid part. The average age of clubbers here is … hovering in the late teens, which isn't that uncommon in Europe considering that the drinking age here is the same as our voting age. Still, there's something disconcerting about seeing a boy who looks like he's 15 carrying around a four-foot-tall bottle of Grey Goose and looking like he wants to pick a fight. Prices here are exorbitant, mostly because mommy and daddy are buying. One upside, though, is that the club throws a monthly pirate party. [link]
Adagio
Marlene-Dietrich-Platz
10785 Tiergarten, Berlin, Germany
In the casino on Potsdamer Platz, Adagio is Berlin's Vegas equivalent. Everything is fake, cheesy, and excessive, from the ceiling frescoes of circling cherubs to the … plastic roses spilling out of Venetian vases. It's utterly ridiculous, just like the clientele and the music (think Vanilla Ice). At least on Fridays ladies get two free glasses of prosecco, if only to dismantle their defenses against any well-heeled predators lurking behind the lion sculptures flanking the entrance. No sneakers. [link]
40 Seconds
Potsdamer Strasse 58, 8th Floor, 10785 Berlin, Germany
This penthouse club is named for the amount of time it takes the elevator to reach the dance floor. With three roof terraces, 40 Seconds offers a far-reaching, … spectacular view over Tiergarten and neighboring Potsdamer Platz. The panorama justifies the club's location, which is totally inconvenient and random. Check it out in the summer when finding it won't involve freezing (or unnecessary taxi fees), and its terrace seating offers an escape from the toxic cologne fumes inside that could knock out Knut. (photo) [link]
