Instructions for this article from my editor: "Try and make it as pro Lakers as you can possibly bring yourself to without hating yourself." Lakers-Celtics. Growing up just 3,023 miles north-northeast of Los Angeles in the 1980s, that matchup was the big sports rivalry, not Dodgers-Giants, both of which were too far away for me to give a shit about. And June meant it was time for fine upstanding virgins like A.C. Green to get their comeuppance from daywalking hippies like Bill Walton (Christ, how much would Eric Cartman hate that guy?) in the NBA Finals. It's time again for the Lakers and Kobe Bryant, an admitted philanderer so honorable he bought his wife a $4 million diamond ring three days after rape charges were dropped against him, to take on the Celtics squad of assault victims (Paul Pierce), spokesmen for the Thurgood Marshall College Fund (Ray Allen) and NBA citizenship award winners (Kevin Garnett).
- Zach Everson
South
Southern California's take on Southern food, right down to the fresh gulf catfish. Let's hope it's not too fresh. Too soon? [link]
Hollywood Billiards
Fifty HDTVs and three projection screens means you'll have no excuse for missing the Celtics come back from a 1-0 series deficit at this 30,000-square-foot billiard hall. [link]
Buena Vista Cigar Club
After watching a game on one of this cigar bar's flat screen TVs, fire up a victory stogie. You know, Red Auberbach-style. [link]
Capitol City Sports Grill
Thirty draft beers and 46 TVs will keep your mind off another figure: 17, the number of NBA Championships the Celtics have, two more than the Lakers. [link]
Mok Maru Jong
This restaurant in Koreatown has been known to give out free pitchers of beer with the Lakers win and its opponent scores less than 100 points. ATMs are nearby. [link]
Yard House Los Angeles
Located at the Staples Center (if Jack Nicholoson invites you back to his place for some hot tubbing, don't go--Roman Polanski learned that lesson the hard way), this … chain has a gluten-free menu, even including glutten-free beer. Just the sort of wussy crap you'd expect in L.A. [link]
Loading comments...
