All stories about "Susan Self"

There is only one criterion by which to judge a hot fudge sundae: the ratio of fudge to ice cream. To be truly satisfying, a proper sundae must be swimming in thick molten fudge, insuring that every last bite of ice cream is bathed in bittersweet goodness. Sadly, this standard is rarely met in the commercial world; most hot fudge sundaes are a mockery of the original vision. And trendy restaurants are the worst offenders. Most present you with an overpriced bowl of unexceptional vanilla ice cream accompanied by a thimbleful of watery chocolate sauce on the side. Further irritations include a brownie or cookie to distract you from the non-existence of the fudge. Fortunately for LA sundae lovers, there are some ice cream parlors in Los Angeles who refuse to compromise, instead serving concoctions of the highest caliber:

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There comes a time in every Angeleno's life when he or she must take the bus. Understandably, this moment is one of unspeakable horror, since even in eco-obsessed LA, riding the bus ranks somewhere below being dragged along behind one. When pressed for reasons why this is so, solid, middle-class citizens claim it's the slowness and noise that keep them from merrily leaping aboard on a daily basis. But let's face it: the real explanation for Bus Avoidance are the armies of raving lunatics who make mass transit their home.

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Just how early can you decently reach for the bottle? When airports are involved, cocktail hour can't start soon enough, since we all need something to "help us sleep" on the plane. So, what's the best way to tie one on? It depends on how much time you have to kill, your willingness to spend or schmooze, and your tolerance for fellow drunks. Below are some of the approved strategies. (markhillary/flickr)

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It's obvious that some LA restaurant locations are cursed. Ocean Avenue, La Cienega, Sunset Strip, and Wilshire Boulevard all have well-known radioactive zones where no restaurant can survive more than six months without undergoing a lingering and very public death. Yet on many of these same restaurant-killing streets there are eateries that have thrived for decades and continue to pack in the crowds. Many of these long-lived places were born in the 1980s, when LA chefs joined their SF brethren in creating what was then called California cuisine. But that doesn't explain what keeps people coming back year after year. Assuming the devil isn't a major investor, here are some possible explanations for the staying power of six still-popular restaurants.

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Most Los Angeles Introductory Sessions do a good job of explaining our culture (Spanglish, compulsory teeth whitening, Asian tapas) to newly arrived Midwesterners, but there are additional customs and quirks that aren't usually discussed. These can be quite disturbing if the newcomer hasn't been fully prepared. Below are a few of the most confusing:

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For mysterious reasons, many upscale LA restaurants with wonderfully innovative appetizers and entrees drop the ball when it comes to desserts. Instead of an intriguing array of sugary fantasies, the potential gorger is faced, yet again, with the tired trio of apple tart, flourless chocolate torte, and creme brulee. With choices like these, you might as well eat at the Marriott. Fortunately, there are pastry chefs in our midst who avoid this rut. Their dessert menus dazzle both the eye and the taste buds. Here are the most impressive.

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In the race from restaurant opening to bankruptcy court, it seems that few owners stop to consider what really gives a restaurant staying power. Great location, food, service -- obviously -- but we all know wonderfully located places with scrumptious food that still died after a few months. Unfortunately, a lot of what makes a restaurant successful is "vibe," a concept almost impossible to explain or duplicate. So forget that. But after researching recent LA restaurant failures, we've identified a few common traits of short-lived eateries that are easily explained and easily avoided.

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In LA, the car is the most visible status symbol around, routinely used to calculate a person's net worth down to the nearest penny, not to mention provide a window into his or her very soul. So for those people who drive less-than-impressive cars (i.e. pre-millennium, with rust), life in this city is one long humiliation: mocked by valets in six languages, jeered by onlookers when you stall in the intersection, rejected by potential love interests when you pull up in their driveway, and abandoned by mechanics after another failed smog test. So what's the owner of a crappy car to do? Here are a few ways to make life bearable until you finally qualify for that 72-month lease:

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So, did you go to any cool Oscar after-parties on Sunday night? We thought not. For the average non-mogul, getting a legitimate invitation to any celeb-filled private party requires years of casual sucking-up to spouses of studio heads or decades of staying in touch with tedious film school acquaintances. So instead of waiting forever to mingle with the stars, lower your sights and aim for the slightly-less-private Industry parties, which are almost as fun. Especially if you're really high. The following is a general guide to alternate Industry fetes and the non-famous people who can open the party door for you in 2008.

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When looking for fresh reasons to reject potential hookups, never rule out food as a means of ruling out. Nothing reveals more about a person than what they put in their mouth. Newly arrived in the U.S., Australian magazine publisher and writer Babe Scott is on an anthropological expedition to see if American men's food and restaurant choices give clues as to their romantic and companionship potential. Having amassed a wealth of research in New York, she's now turned to LA, conducting her field work via her website, where she invites interested men to take her out for a meal. Her findings -- to be mercifully anonymous -- will be compiled in a book, but for now, she's happy to share some observations and restaurant recommendations gleaned from her study.

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Congratulations! You finally hooked up, thus ending one of the longest dry spells in Los Angeles history. Admittedly, it wasn't quite how you'd planned it -- a heavily negotiated 3 a.m. tryst en route from the Smog Cutter -- but so what? At this point, you're thrilled to get someone of the same species. But the news isn't all good; instead of bolting at the first possible opportunity, your "date" appears to have stuck around and is snoring somewhere in the vicinity of your bed. The question is: Is he or she or it a keeper? Figuring that part out is easy; it's what comes next that's tricky. Here are some breakfast choices that will either assist you in eliminating the "mistakes" or keeping the more promising guests hanging around for more.

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The Golden Moment arrives: you're finally entrusted with an expense account! Naturally, your first thought is: Crazy Girls or Jumbo's Clown Room? Sadly, these well-known schmoozing places may have to wait, as you've just been assigned the Mothers Against Drunk Driving account. There lies the dark side of employer-subsidized social life -- you have to spend it with your clients.

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By some fortuitously connected law of nature, drinking and shopping happily reinforce each other. 1) You have a drink, 2) you go on a spree, 3) you open your Visa bill, 4) you pour another drink. And so the cycle repeats. Yet despite the obvious benefits of an open bar in every mall, rarely do stores take advantage of it. Thank goodness for a few upscale LA retailers that put the customer first and under the guise of an "in-store restaurant" make sure you can tie one on before trying on $500 shoes. Here are some of the better places to shop off your buzz.

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Why don't more people hook up in Los Angeles coffeehouses? Short answer: because they're sober. While the coffeehouse has definitely replaced the home office for local freelancers, it still hasn't replaced the bar. But that doesn't explain the abysmal rate of successful casual encounters, given all the cute and obviously bored people milling around the average Peet's. While the library-like atmosphere at many places makes it hard to mingle, research reveals much of the blame falls on the customers themselves. Follow these five easy steps to avoid the most common LA coffeehouse blunders of the chronically unlaid.

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Apparently, most Angelenos' days begin before 1 p.m. -- except in Venice, West Coast headquarters of the trust-funded artist. After a night of uninspired spraypainting, the city's slacker-artistes usually lounge in bed till noon, only emerging from their dad-financed lofts in late afternoon in order to get an early start on their drinking. At around 6 p.m., it's time for the rest of us to get involved, since these types are usually uninhibited, easy, and have a sub-zero fridge full of rare and expensive wine. In other words, perfect one-night stand material. There's not much of a downside to these hookups, just as long as you say goodbye before 2 a.m. Hang around much later, and you risk a teary reenactment of the latest family intervention in Aspen. Different subgroups of artist-slackers lurk in different locales, but here are some basics to get you started.

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Far too little is written about daytime hookup opportunities available on LA's westside. The Santa Monica City Council drones on and on about recycling bins but never gives you the information you really need, like where can I meet someone hot and rich before 6 p.m.? So in the spirit of civic responsibility, I'm providing a much needed "community outreach" plan for Montana Avenue. No, really -- those designer baby boutiques are just a ruse. During the week, the street is teeming with pretty, affluent people with way too much time on their hands, just hoping for an afternoon fling-ette. Prime candidates include the jaded stay-at-home wife, the (legit) movie producer killing time between meetings, and the self-made rich dude recovering from his PCH bike ride. Throw in some bored, striking writers and the odds of hooking up increase dramatically. For the sake of efficiency, the most promising venues have been singled out for your future use.

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On New Year's Eve, food can become little more than an accessory for alcohol, or worse yet, is downgraded to the role of an edible sobriety device to keep everyone from passing out before 11pm. This explains why the buffet tables at most parties consist of nothing but badly disguised Trader Joe's cheese trays. Fortunately, chefs at many of LA's best restaurants offer sanctuary in the form of scrumptious multi-course fixed price menus, helpfully paired with delicious wines and Champagnes. But these gastronomic havens don't come cheap, expect to shell out at least $75 for an early-bird seating (we're talking 5:30pm here) and much more if you want to feast after 8pm. Here are some recommendations for the best use of your year-end bonus or remaining credit on your Visa card.

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In a city where the cupcake-to-human ratio is currently 5 to 1, there still exists a craving for more traditional holiday treats. In response to this temporary demand for gingerbread, LA's trendiest bakeries are offering a selection of time-honored Christmas desserts magically enhanced by on-site pastry chefs, who have the ability to turn the barely edible into mouthwatering ambrosia. Even the despised fruitcake can be a welcome addition to the menu, consistent with the baker's mantra that there are no bad desserts, only bad recipes. While the distribution of upscale bakeries does tend to skew west, the quality of these products is worth the drive and most of the treats can be scrutinized ahead of time on the bakery's website.

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As drinking season is upon us, there's no better time to invite your hot new assistant out for an exclusive, three-hour "thank you" lunch. And nothing says "I appreciate your low-cut shirts" louder than the gift of an expense-account cocktail. Make that six cocktails, since one drink always begets another, especially when you're madly motioning to the waiter to "keep 'em coming." Sadly, not everyone in your office is brimming with holiday cheer. The grim Human Resources Director, who's had you on a "watch list" since witnessing your make-out session with a drunk temp at the firm picnic and who re-labeled your personnel file "Upcoming Litigation," may view your generous gesture with zero enthusiasm. So to avoid their reproachful gaze, take your industrious subordinate to one of these HR-free "safe zones."

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