We were in Miami Beach last week, a couple of New Yorkers looking for balmy weather, pretty scenery, and stiff drinks, same as anybody. Through a combination of zealous planning and happy accidents, Jenn and I found all that and more, and most of it was better than we had anticipated. For us, Miami Beach was the perfect balance of action and chillout time, with an open-water kayak adventure followed by some cocktails and a couple hours of horizontal relaxation on the beach: yin and yang coming together harmoniously in South Florida. Miami is hardly uncharted territory, and there's no shortage of tourist information and guidebook coverage, but since we had such a grand time and didn't blow too much money, I'd like to share a few highlights and tips I gleaned while digging the scene in South Beach.
Once a "Hip Miami South Beach Hotel" called the Strand Ocean Drive snapped up my $165-a-night bid for four nights, we were in business. The hotel is comprised of four art deco buildings on Ocean Drive between 10th and 11th streets, and at the moment, which building you're in makes all the difference. Since we were checking in with a scarlet P (for Priceline) on our reservation, we wound up in the Retro building. The room itself was quite posh, but it had a view of an alley and a parking garage on one side, and a construction site on the other. After being assured that the hotel was booked for the night and another room wasn't available, we decided to give it a chance, unpacked our bags, and took a stroll through town.
We started with a cheap but satisfying meal at the nearby 11th Street Diner (we're New Yorkers after all), and then headed up Washington Avenue, a surprisingly scuzzy street thick with tattoo parlors, smoke shops, and souvenir stores with mannequins that looked like sex dolls wearing thongs that said "shut up and lick it." Every beach town, no matter how chic, has its seedy side. But we did eventually reach the tony part of South Beach in the pedestrian thoroughfare of Lincoln Road. Lincoln Road is essentially an outdoor strip mall, but a fancy one, with plenty of attractive options for alfresco dining and drinking. It's also a nice place to stroll through and not buy anything at all, but simply take in the nonstop fashion show and beauty contest.
Back at the room later that evening, our attempts at amorousness were interrupted by our bed collapsing beneath us. The bed was essentially a futon mattress over a low, slatted wooden frame, and a couple of the ribs had somehow slipped out of their grooves, leaving us to claw our way out of a mini-mattress sinkhole. It was both sad and funny, and since changing rooms wasn't an option, we made the best of it.
What wasn't funny was the ungodly construction noise at 7:00 the next morning. It came from the Clevelander hotel next door, which is currently being gutted. Power saws and pneumatic concrete blasters made it impossible to sleep, and it quickly became a matter of either changing rooms or ditching the hotel altogether, even though it was paid for up front. Fortunately, a sympathetic desk manager named Ashley was able to move us to a room in the Contemporary building later that afternoon, and our trip instantly got about twenty times better. Perhaps it was that broken bed that got us the coveted upgrade.
True to their marketing, the Strand Ocean Drive really is a stylish hotel. The suites have futuristic-looking Luminaire furniture, Flos lighting fixtures, tidy kitchenettes with full-size refrigerators, flat-screen TVs (which get the Bravo channel, as Jenn quickly discovered), H20+ bath products, and rainfall shower heads that make you feel like a rich person as you do your daily ablutions. We dug it. After enjoying a swim in the stellar rooftop pool (I do love a pool with a view), we toasted our good fortune in our new suite with a couple of Campari and sodas with lime. (A tip of the glass to the liquor store on 11th Street and the Art Deco Supermarket on Washington, both grimy places that had everything we needed.)
That evening, my nerdy tourist fantasies came true as we boarded the Island Queen for a 90-minute sunset cruise through the islands of Biscayne Bay. The affable narrators pointed out the celebrity mansions, and we ogled homes owned by such luminaries as Oprah, Diddy, Shaq, Gloria Estefan, Al Capone, and Vanilla Ice. You know who had the biggest and most opulent estate? The inventor of Viagra, Dr. Simon Campbell. The narrator made the "raising the bar" joke twice, in case we missed it the first time. Also, Alicia Keys has a big yacht named Alicia moored in front of her house.
The Island Queen was perfect, because the very next morning we rented kayaks from South Beach Kayak and paddled past many of the same houses we had seen on our cruise. We would have never known which houses belonged to celebrities without the benefit of the previous day's narration. We would have never been able to holla at Lil John, not that he heard us.
The weather was perfect and the seas were calm. We happily paddled past Belle Island, Rivo Alto Island, and Di Lido Island; looped around Hibiscus Island; skirted Star Island; and even made a stop at sandy, uninhabited Monument Island to snap some photos and guzzle some water before heading back to Island View Park to return the boats. In all, it was roughly a four-mile paddle (according to Ana Marie, the owner of South Beach Kayak), and we felt terrific having done it. I can't recommend the kayak trip enough, because sometimes you've just got to float.
We had dinner that night at the loud and festive Taverna Opa. As we feasted on delicious Greek-style octopus, snapper, and salmon, and guzzled white wine from Santorini, we talked about which of our friends could hack the kayak trip, and which would be best left on dry land.
The next morning, I made another discovery: The place to get your morning caffeine fix in South Beach is Yogo Cafe on 11th between Collins and Ocean. I brought a couple of well-made Segafredo Zanetti cappuccinos ($2.75 apiece) and some chocolate croissants back to the room, and we woke up on our own time.
Then we hit the beach like we were supposed to, and did some serious relaxing. Our $12.50-per-day resort fee got us a couple of lounge chairs and an umbrella, and we enjoyed a day of sun, sand, and surf at one of the world's most famous beaches. It's true what they say on those softcore Travel Channel shows: there's no shortage of uncovered flesh in South Beach, and the bodies on display were generally quite fit. I sucked in my gut more than once. But it was all good. The sunshine and Campari drained us of all our remaining city stresses, and we rode out the week like a gentle wave, wandering from beach to pool to bar to restaurant without a care in the world.
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It's a testament to the energy of New York that people still want to come here despite its generally lousy weather. With wet, sloppy winters and oppressively muggy summers, all you're really left with are a few fleeting weeks in the shoulder seasons where you can experience this perfectly imperfect city in ideal atmospheric conditions. Perhaps it's in part a function of their scarcity, but those few fleeting weeks are glorious. As the first balmy days of spring 2008 remind me of how much our mental and physical well being is connected to the climate, it's worth going over a few highlights of New York that are all the better in perfect weather.
With the completion of the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway in 1964, Robert Moses also created a massive wall of concrete and steel that forced the relocation of thousands of residents and split once cohesive neighborhoods in two. Nowhere is that division more clear than in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, where the 
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When it comes to giving out advice on having a good time in New York, it's hard to tell New Yorkers anything they don't already know, even if they don't already know it -- so bear with me, fellow citizens. As for the rest of you, I'd like to share a few random morsels gleaned from 15 years of living in "the city." Your standard NYC guidebook will have the basics on hotels and tourist attractions, but since the joy is in the little details, here are a few things I wish I'd known before I got here. Please share your own pearls of wisdom in the comments.
New York has more than its share of sweaty discos and hip-hoppy nightclubs where the kids do the funky monkey or whatever the hell they're calling it these days, but what if you aspire to dancing of a fancier sort? Well, the Roaring Twenties are long past, but ballroom, swing, tango, salsa, and other kinds of high-class dancing can still be found in nightclubs and dance schools throughout the city. Whether you're looking to bust out your finest dancing moves, take advantage of a free lesson, or just watch the spectacular routines of the experts, it won't take you long to find your desired dancing scene. From pricey 1940s-era nightclubs to casual restaurants that push the tables aside after the dinner rush, aspiring Freds and Gingers can jitterbug, jive, and mambo their way across the city at these New York dancing destinations.
For my money, there is no finer booze/food pairing than vodka and caviar. When you take an icy shot of vodka and chase it with a bite of briny sturgeon roe, the explosion of flavor in your mouth is like necking with the ocean itself. It's the kind of taste that creates memories. Every time I enjoy this inspired pairing, I'm transported back to a long-ago lunch in a dilapidated Saint Petersburg restaurant where we poured vodka from a crystal decanter, feasted on caviar served on disks of hard bread, and made numerous toasts to warming Russian-American relations. I'm now comfortably ensconced in New York, but the vodka and caviar experience is available here as well, for a price. Several Manhattan restaurants specialize in these eastern delicacies, doling out flutes of vodka and scoops of ikra to discerning gourmands who love how the astringent burn of the vodka mingles with the complex saltiness of the roe. True to its reputation, good caviar doesn't come cheap, but when you've really got to have it, you won't regret splurging at these classic New York vodka and caviar joints.
Williamsburg, Brooklyn, is widely considered an artistic community by those who come to sup in its restaurants and drink in its bars. Everybody loves to recount the heroic tale of how the first homesteading artists crossed the East River in the eighties and nineties, casting off the shackles of high SoHo rents and unleashing their creative souls in derelict Williamsburg warehouses. Such stories might make the booze taste better, but most visitors to Williamsburg step nary a vintage sneaker into an actual art gallery. Fortunately, true seekers of artiness will find well over a dozen bona fide 
New York has always been a city of great bars and talented barmen, but in the past few years it's embraced the trend toward ultra high-end cocktails. I don't mean dumb-money drinks like the World Bar's 
Unless you count money and sex as gods, New York can seem like a pretty godless place, so what's a visitor on a quest for actual divinity supposed to do? No theologian myself, I asked my pal A.J. Jacobs, a native New Yorker who recently spent a year living by the literal principles of the Bible and wrote a book about the experience called 
This year marks the 50th anniversary of the publication of Jack Kerouac's classic book On the Road, and the milestone has been accompanied by a resurgence of interest in the writers and poets of the so-called Beat generation. While the Beats were constantly in motion, making a home wherever they happened to pass out, they all had a special love for the chaos and energy of New York City, which is reflected in their best writing. Kerouac, Neal Cassady, William Burroughs, Allen Ginsberg, and other influential Beats spent some of their most productive and destructive years in New York, shuttling between mad parties and bop joints and drinking and drugging their way to literary infamy. And while there are many Beat landmarks throughout the city, it seems the most appropriate to visit the taverns and bars that fueled their creative impulses. While many of their favorite haunts have now passed into history (Cedar Tavern, RIP), a decent handful of Beat bars remain, waiting to be discovered by the next generation of young, thirsty writers.
It takes a leap of faith to suck down a quivering mass of cold, briny bivalve meat for the first time, but once you're hooked, it's difficult to walk past a raw bar without ordering a dozen. To aficionados, an icy tray of fresh oysters is akin to a round of shots: a quick burst of intense flavor that feels like a miniature celebration, with all its attendant toasting and savoring of the moment. New York has been an oyster town for generations, and these marvelous mollusks are still on the menu at restaurants all over the city. Here are a few of the better places in New York for shucking and slurping the ocean's bounty.
New York is home to some of the most stylish women on the planet, but they don't get that way by accident. It takes hours of careful research and planning, poring through fashion magazines, studying the looks of various celebrities, freeze-framing Project Runway, and stalking other clothes-ponies. Most of all, though, it takes shopping in the right stores. By browsing, trying on, rationalizing, buying, and returning various garments, the female New Yorker attains a certain fashion awareness and enlightenment that's unique to the city. As a public service, I asked several bona fide attractive, young, and fashionable New York women where they like to shop for clothes. This important research yielded a constellation of stores spanning lower Manhattan and Brooklyn, and it's a worthy primer both for ladies who aspire to New York deliciousness and for men who need some new ideas in the gift department. Please report all errors and omissions in the comments or via the 
New York has a relatively small Greek community -- less than 50,000 in a city of 8 million -- but it somehow seems more prominent than its numbers would suggest. Reminders of the Greek empire can be found throughout the city, such as the ubiquitous Greek diner, which has become the very archetype of the New York coffee shop. And while these tasty Greek morsels are all well and good, if you're looking for the full-on Greek experience, you can be surrounded by Hellenic people, art, and food in no time if you know where to go. Astoria, Queens is the historical capital of Greek culture in the city, but the Greek diaspora has since commenced, and plenty of great Greek venues can now be found in Manhattan and other boroughs. Here's a overview of where to find the best of Greece in New York, starting with a few centers of art and culture and ending with plenty of delicious Greek food and wine. Make like Zorba and raise a glass to the culture that gave us democracy, philosophy, law, and those wonderful 
If you're like me, and I know you are, you want an authentic taste of whatever city you're visiting. Sure, the major landmarks are fun, but it's always best to experience it as the locals do. There are obviously a zillion different ways to experience New York, so let's start out with one that I've practiced a number of times: downtown on the cheap. I don't mean super-cheap, because in this city it costs twenty bucks just to walk out your front door, but you can definitely have a memorable and raucous time without breaking the bank if you stick to the right places. I humbly offer you one sample itinerary for a parsimonious good time below 14th Street. All these venues are in great neighborhoods, so feel free to deviate as needed and go where your spirit beckons. Believe in yourself and you will not falter.
Time for Williamsburg Drinking 101. The main drag is the north end of Bedford Avenue, and while Williamsburg extends far, far beyond it, Bedford's the first part of the 'burg most people see when they get out of the L train. Williamsburg has changed a lot in the time I've lived here, and it's certainly less raw than it was back in the day (whenever that was), but I say it's still a fun and creative neighborhood for shopping and dining, and an even better place to go out drinking. Hipster bashing has become quite a sport of late, and I can't say there's not plenty of material to work with. But it's also become grating to these ears, especially when it comes from people whose Williamsburg experience was gleaned from seeing their friend's band play at Northsix that one time. Come with an open mind and you'll love it. Please take out your notebooks and sharpen your pencils. You'll be having seven drinks tonight, so I hope you had a good dinner.
If you've been following the travel press over the past couple of days, you've probably read about Spirit Airlines CEO Ben Baldanza's "
Need to buy a few gifts for family and friends, or a new outfit for yourself? You could spend half the day zigzagging all over Manhattan, prancing from one precious little über-chic boutique to another, but who has the time for that? Size matters when it comes to shopping, and you can get everything you're looking for, and a few things you're not, under one roof at any of New York's full-service department stores. Sure, they're kind of an anachronism, and the retailers themselves would probably prefer you just order everything off their websites, so take advantage of the shopping experience you and your parents grew up with while you still can. New York has been the home of several humongous department stores for well over a hundred years now, so whether you're looking for a timeless New York classic like Macy's or a chic modern place like Barneys, you'll find the one-stop shopping you yearn for. Here's a smattering of the biggest names in town when it comes to exchanging your filthy lucre for fineries and baubles.
