Debriefer: Steamclam.com's Matt Kliegman

If we had to find ourselves a modern-day Renaissance man, why not Matt Kliegman. DJ, artist, writer, and filmmaker, Kliegman's a man of many parts. As proof, check out his site, Steamclam.com, plus regularly irregular nights at New York's Gallery Bar, and even better, he's a Midwestern boy with a thing for farmer's daughters. Though Kliegman's thriving in NYC, he's revisiting his roots for our collective benefit.

We're going to imprison you in the city of your choice for the rest of your natural life. You can do anything you want there, but you must stay in that city forever. Where would you choose?
Usually I'd say New York, but I think in this situation I'd have to say Milwaukee. I feel like the locals would be a little bit more considerate of my bizarre situation.

Why would you live in this city forever and not somewhere else?
There are miles of cornfields just outside the city. I miss being able to jam some tunes and drive around the corn. Burn some gas up.

In what part of the city would you reside?
On the lake. On the serious. Get a big ass boat. A lot of land. Or the southside. There are a lot of good bars and little spots to be inconspicuous in. A lot of people there used to live in New York, so there's always someone to talk to about the lack of decent pussy.

Where and what would you eat?
Butter burgers at Solly's. Seriously. Somehow there are all these older men and women who have been eating there since The War and are still alive enough to think you're a homo-communist. Oakland Gyros and Pizza Shuttle are pretty classic Milwaukee eating spots. You can't go there during the day for some reason, but at night that's the place to be. There are a bunch of George Webbs all over when you need a place that'll be open past 4 a.m. They had a promotion where burgers cost like ...15 cents or something that ran the whole year (they were established in 1915, so it's a clever marketing idea). There are always wild strung-out people being paranoid there which is always great. The food is sorta bad, but the root beer floats make up for it. Kopp's is sorta the place if you want custard. And you're guaranteed to see someone you know. They have a different flavor every day, but for some reason, every time I go there it's butter pecan, which I'm not so into. Benny's is a great place. Classic Jewish style stuff. There's actually a shuttle between the JCC elderly housing and here. I suggested to another customer that he should try the liver. He told me as I was leaving that it was incredible. Elsa's is great. Meat and stuff. I think it's all local beef. And Wisconsin has some pretty damn good beef. If you've been, you know what I mean. The Knick at the Knickerbocker Hotel is great on a sunny day to just sit on the porch and have some solid eggs benny.

What would you do for fun?
The State Fair -- there are a lot of livestock shows and county fairs which are always pretty good people watching. A lot of them have a policy that you can only buy beer by the case. So you go and sit with your 24 beers and watch veterinary volunteers reach into a pig's vagina and remove up to 25 pygmy piglets. I always like making short movies when I'm in town. The people are all very colorful and specific in their beliefs. "Bubba's Car Wash and Blowjob" was made on a quick visit to Milwaukee. The woman who was in it threatened to kill me after she saw the final product. Which is a pretty big success. You can get away with filming anywhere for next to nothing. I'm writing a feature film that I'll be shooting in Milwaukee next fall. Milwaukee has a deep need for films to be made there, and I am happy to indulge them.

Where would you go for a night on the town?
The Range Line Inn is pretty amazing. It's a bar where older men come and complain about their families and smoke cigars and drink heavily. I always get stares for being under 50, but it's a good place to go and write. A lot of "Bodybuilder Island" was written there.
The Pfister Hotel is good when I'm trying to romance the farmer's daughters. It has a good view, and you used to be able buy cigars. But that made it smell terrible and gave people stomach problems. Home Bar is amazing. Great music and cheap beer and a back yard. Right on the KK (Kinnickinnic Avenue), it's probably one of the better bars I've been to. Everyone's cool and is sorta artsy and moderately employed.

What kinds of shops are worth going to?
Sadly, Milwaukee has decided to host a huge gangbang for corporate enterprises. There's a Wal-Mart every few miles, which is sometimes a fun place to go and trip out in. I was there once and I saw this kid all by himself by those huge ball cages of colorful shiny plastic balls. And he was all alone looking for someone to play with. So we threw one of the big balls back and forth for a few minutes. I sorta babysat in his guardian's extended absence. But then I had to go. So I just left him. Which gave me the thrill of child abandonment without the social baggage. Fashion Ninja and the Brickyard Gym are two places with real badass apparel. Any of the Foot Lockers in the hood are amazing.

And on the flip side: What city would you never, ever visit again, if you had a choice?
Las Vegas. It so full of such unbridled douchebaggery it makes me dizzy. Someone told me "if you don't have fun in Las Vegas, you're probably either dead or retarded." But homeboy was a D-bag ... It's a terrible place full of terrible people.

As a DJ, you know music; what are some albums you cannot live without?
"Ridin' Dirty" by UGK. Any DJ Screw tape. I just got an advance of the new Apes and Androids jump off, which has inserted itself so deeply into my spinal chord that I'd probably die without it. "Dirt" by Alice in Chains. Anything by Larry Levan or Tom Moulton. "In the Aeroplane over the Sea" by Neutral Milk Hotel. Li'l Wayne's "None Higher." I listen to individual tracks much more then full records ... so probably "Ain't gonna bump no more (with no big fat woman)" by Joe Tex is my jam of the year.

Are there any albums you wish you'd never purchased or are ashamed to admit you love?
Luckily I have very little shame when it comes to my taste palate ... I know I'd get shit for the Ricky Martin CD I bought in high school. You can hate on it, but "Spanish Eyes" is a crazy awesome jam.

Your work featured on Steamclam.com is pretty diverse, from art, to video/film and music; what inspires you to do what you do?
Promotional marketing videos have been pretty inspiring lately. In fact, I've been finding most corporate culture very appealing -- it's like a secretly sexy and repressed preacher's daughter. But you know you can't even try anything or you're going to hell.

Debriefer is a weekly two-part series. On Fridays, we interview random individuals about their favorite cities. On the following Monday, we map their favorite places in those cities. If you'd like to be interviewed for Debriefer, let us know.