LA's Best Bars to Pass Out In

A bar where the staff is drunker than the customers is always a good choice when you're looking for a place to pass out. "Last call" at this East Hollywood pigsty evokes … the Fall of Saigon, where desperate expats clung to departing helicopters. You, meanwhile, are just looking to escape the aggressive waitresses trying to grab your butt. If you pass out here, you may well wake up in the bar owner's bed, which is probably more comfortable than a jail cell. [link]

So many beautiful fountains and pots, so many places to puke! The mile-long line at the bathroom door ensures you'll never make it to the sink in time, so after maxing … out your credit card on bottle service upstairs, join the other pretty people strategically hunched around the conveniently placed vomit receptacle at this expensive but very charming patio-bar-club. And if you slightly resemble a reality show star, the TMZ camera crew parked outside may capture it all on film. [link]

Two reasons to pass out at Del's: no celebrities will witness it, and you'll probably be the best looking person in the room, even when you're face down on the smoking … patio. The bar features lots of distracting entertainment. like hit or miss karaoke performed by Vietnam vets in uniform, homeless guys fighting in the alley over an empty beer can, and a legless pool shark. Therefore, you, passed out in the corner, should attract no attention whatsoever. [link]

Happy Hour at this Girls Gone Wild recruitment center in West LA lasts from 4-8 p.m., which means you can pound margaritas, pass out, revive, and open another tab at … least twice in one evening. And the place is always packed solid, so your near lifeless body on the ground won't be too noticeable. And at the end of the night, the bouncers simply sweep up the remaining customers and dump them on the sidewalk, three feet away from the waiting #2 Wilshire bus. [link]

Shockingly, liquor licenses do exist in Brentwood. The dimly lit bar at the Brentwood Restaurant is well stocked with high-end booze and liqueurs, and it offers a late … night happy hour between the strategic hours of 10 p.m. and midnight -- perfect to finalize your bender while you slowly sink into the shadows. The lack of any light at all means no one will notice you until the cleaning crew starts in with the mop. [link]

The cabanas out by the pool are perfect for concealing the fact that you're out cold. If these are too pricey, simply lounge on the incredibly comfortable patio furniture … closer to the water and let the mojitos do their work. Your descent into oblivion should attract little notice, and when it does, you can sleep it off on the well manicured grass in front of the hotel's entrance, located in a safe and quiet Beverly Hills neighborhood. [link]

Begin your binge in the depressing sports bar attached to the club, where the non-definition television and dreary clientele should inspire you to drink fast and … furiously. The cheap prices certainly help. Once you're seeing double, stagger off to the tiny club in the back, where the lack of air conditioning and over-capacity crowd will hasten on your coma; you should be crashed in the corner just in time to miss the band's first slow song. [link]