Gridskipper

A room at the St. Marks Hotel will cost you from $120 to $180 per night. College Callgirl says that this East Village joint is "the gold standard of sex that's cheap or expensive — perfect for trysting adulterers,… one-night stands when you've both got roommates, and turning tricks ... The rooms are small and only kind of clean, but there are ashtrays, a TV that sometimes plays porn, and a shower for washing the stench of sin off afterward. Plus, the mirror is positioned in such a way that you can watch yourself do it — always a plus for me." [link]

According to College Callgirl, the Liberty Inn is "extremely popular among perverts." This probably explains their massive porn selection as well as their first-come first-served reservations policy and variety… of flexible booking options. It's $159 for a daylong stay, but if you save your dirty deeds for after dark, you can book ten hours for $129. If you want to get in and out quickly, you can have a room for $59 for three hours on a weekday. On Saturdays and Sundays, the price of an evening at the Liberty drops to $65. The rates may be friendly, but College Callgirl warns that the "Tenth Avenue location always makes me feel like I'm liable to get knifed outside this joint, especially really late when there are trannies and streetwalkers milling around." [link]

College Callgirl prefers servicing upscale johns, so she generally avoids the outer boroughs. But she notes that "From what I can tell, Queens is the sleazy motel capital of New York." Specifically, "I have heard… awesome things about the Kew Motor Inn. It sounds classy — there's a restaurant and cocktail lounge. But the selling point for me? Theme rooms! Cupid's Room, the Waterfall Room, the Love Nest, the Safari Room, Oriental Delight, Southwestern Oasis, the New York Skyline Room, and Arabian Nights." Four hours of romance will run you $66, and a night of fun ranges from $97 to $118. [link]

This Bronx motel has a reputation for being unsanitary, which should come as no surprise since just $30 will get you four hours, and a night is only $65 during the week. If you like your sex to be extra-extra-illegal, Friendly Motor Inn is probably a bad option — College Callgirl points out that "they do ask for IDs of both (or all 3 or 4 or whatever you're into)… people." [link]

This hotel is famous for their Jacuzzis, which come in rooms that will set you back between $199 and $259 a night. La Semana is extremely popular with the local ladies of the evening, because as College Callgirl… says, "Doing it in a Jacuzzi is a lazy gal's dream — just get on top and let the momentum of the water do the work." They also have a complimentary breakfast buffet and some type of communal steam room. I couldn't get more details about the spa facilities because the creepy guy who answered the phone hung up on me when I asked about Internet access, but my sexpert described the suites as being, "small and dark and usually reeking of pot or cigarette smoke. Which is cool, cause then nobody will notice you're smoking pot and cigarettes in there." [link]

The Madison is offering "special summer rates" of $120 to $164 per day. I'm surprised they don't have hourly options, since College Callgirl claims "the Madison hotel is in frequent use by the crackheads, hookers,… and perverts that are my people, and the management likes us." [link]

Located right off the Belt Parkway in Brooklyn, the Golden Gate Motor Inn in Brooklyn has rooms from $110 to $124. Unlike every other hotel on this list, they offer free wifi in the lobby, so you can troll the Internet for dates during your stay. College Callgirl describes a visit here as an adventure: "It's pretty standard for a short stay — it smells, it's dirty,… it might have roaches. The walls are thin, and you can hear hookers honing their craft as well as witness drug deals in the lobby. But you're only gonna be there for an hour or two, right?" [link]