Broke-Ass Stuart's Guide to SF Dive Bars
San Francisco is known for extravagant prices and living costs that can cripple one's urban experience. But Top Ramen and tap water need not be the menu du jour, jour after jour after jour. So we spoke with Stuart Schuffman, a.k.a. Broke-Ass Stuart, who's spent a few years working for the masses, particularly the "young, broke, and beautiful", by consuming countless cheap drinks and meals and writing about them. Now, having graduated from a self-made zine to a published guidebook in its second version, his digestive enzymes and liver can sleep easy. Too bad he has already moved on to tackle New York and beyond. For a piece of the action you can go to his SF book release party at the Rickshaw Stop tonight, with $1 cover, free food, and peasant-priced drinks. More from the man himself, after the jump.
Rumor has it you don't cook. Or is it can't cook? Say, even something as basic as a sandwich.
Well, I can make simple things like scrambles and sandwiches, but truthfully I don't have the patience to cook. Also, I was raised on microwave pizza, so I never really learned how. Nevertheless, I love me some good food.
What motivated you to start your zine? Are you some sort of altruist or something?
When I first got the idea, everyone I knew was broke (they still are) and yet looking for a way to still enjoy the city. I figured that since I already knew a bunch of good cheap places, might as well do a little more research and write a zine about it. Now a few years later, I have a 300-page book.
What would you call the bars you chose? City favorites? The brokest-assiest of the city?
What would I call the these bars? Fucking awesome, that's what! But if you are looking for a classification, I'd say they are dive bars. I can't say I have a particular favorite just because it all depends on my mood for the night, but the Broken Record is definitely up there. They have X-box 360 and Wii that you get to play! As for the brokest-assiest of the city, just go to the Tenderloin. Jesus some of those bars are depressing.
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Grandma's Saloon
1016 Taraval St
San Francisco, CA 94116
"Grandma's clientele mostly consists of old people, poolsharks, and pukers. Patches from police, firemen, and paramedics line the wall behind the bar, while an old … mid-1980s video game keeps a silent vigil over a dismal scene. I hope I'm not drinking in places like Grandma's in 30 years. It's almost more depressing than the dive bars in the Tenderloin because it feels like these people decided to be here. while the folks in Loin just seem like they were born into it." [link]
Bow Bow Cocktail Lounge
1155 Grant Ave
San Francisco, CA 94133
"I'm going to say this in the most plain and honest way I can: I'm pretty sure Candy, the bartender here, is Dionysus disguised as a human being. Look, if you go into the … Bow Bow intending to only have one drink, just don't go because I guarantee you will have more than one drink. Sure I can sit here and talk about how the place is kinda grungy and smoky and the karaoke sounds like a Siren PMSing, but the heart of the matter is this: Candy is the god of wine and debauchery incarnated into human form." [link]
Specs Twelve Adler Museum Café
12 Serrano Dr
San Francisco, CA 94132
"Simply put, Specs feels like a Tom Waits song. There's crazy shit all over the walls, like photos of post fire/earthquake SF, 500-year-old Hindu art, and a an actual … dead cobra and groundhog posed to look like they are fighting each other." [link]
Phone Booth
1398 S Van Ness Ave
San Francisco, CA 94110
"This is one of those places where someone might want to beat me up for exposing their little drinking hole to the rest of the world. If that's the case, I'm just warning … you that I pack heat. Just kidding, please don't beat me up. The bartenders serve stiff, cheap drinks that you can chase with free popcorn while admiring the Tom Selleck picture and Barbie doll chandelier that you wish you'd made." [link]
Kilowatt
3160 16th St
San Francisco, CA 94103
"Kilowatt is a good place to get drunk. I was there just last night, and a strong whiskey & 7-up was only $3.50. There are plenty of other ways to amuse oneself at … Kilowatt too. For instance, if you go in on your birthday, they'll give you a bottle of champagne and a Polaroid with one roll of film to use throughout the night. There is also a good jukebox, a few pool tables, pinball machines, darts, and it never fails that any conversation can suddenly be interrupted by someone wanting to talk about Metallica." [link]
The Broken Record
1166 Geneva Ave
San Francisco, CA 94112
"Sitting 2.5 blocks off of Mission & Geneva, this big, divey lounge is a complete gem that's lost in the middle of fucking nowhere. Although it can be a bit of a trek … to get there, the 200 kinds of whiskey and rotating BBQ menu make it totally worth it. This is easily one of the best bars in the city, and for some reason no one seems to know about it." [link]
