Gridskipper

Become a professional clown and give joy/lifelong phobias to the little children. Where better to learn the time honored art of clowning than from one of the experienced clownologists at this venerable institution.… The Advanced Clown Intensive course will help you find your inner clown motivation and flesh out your clown alter ego. Classes are usually one weekend long, with the next beginning November 17. [link]

Getting your divemaster certification is an excellent way to pursue the active, outdoorsy lifestyle. This established school in SOMA has its own pool and hosts trips to sweet diving spots like Bonair and the Philippines.… It's a challenging program — not for the timid or out of shape — and costs around $950. Pros of being a dive instructor: flexible schedule, no cubicles, tropical climates. Cons: dealing with tourists, melanoma, the bends. [link]

People person? Night owl? Lush? The well appointed San Francisco Bartending School gives each student a tricked out workstation where you can learn how to make a proper sidecar, or whatever the kids are drinking… these days. And when your two weeks of coursework is over, they won't just turn you out onto the street with a martini shaker and a dream. The SFBS also helps grads find their first gigs through their well (heh) connected job placement program. [link]

What better way to get a fresh career start than by becoming a professional stripper? Learn the ins and outs of working the pole from master writher Catherine Rose, who has a two decades of exotic dancing and teaching… experience under her belt. Slinky Productions offers group or private classes in lap, pole and erotic dancing. (Actual viability as a job may vary depending on hotness and flexibility.) [link]

This is the place for aspiring frommagiers, cheesemongers, and dairy queens. Start with something mild like a cheese 101 or core tasting class. Work your way up to the stronger "Farmstead Cheesemaking,"… "Ga-Ga for Goat," or edgy "Extreme Cheese" classes The homework alone is worth the (very affordable) price of admission. [link]

The SFCC will teach stand-up and improv to everyone, from the unfunny to experienced comics. If you think your jokes are garnering genuine guffaws and not just courtesy laughs, sign up for one of their intro classes… and see if you bomb. Freebie trial classes are offered, and the college has regular events at comedy spot The Clubhouse. [link]

Still have fantasies or running away with the circus? You'll have a much better chance of getting picked up by Barnum & Bailey if you learn some skills first. Chinese acrobats are made, not born! (Except for… the Chinese part.) The circus center offers a variety classes like juggling, flying trapeze, Mongolian contortion, German wheel, and Chinese Poll. Tres international! There's even a three week professional aerial program. (photo) [link]

A trained doula provides a wide array of support before, during, and after childbirth, like massage during labor and breastfeeding support. Natural Resources has birth doula and postpartum doula courses for $290… to $450. It's also a great place to take classes if you opt for humankind's most popular fallback profession, parenthood. [link]