Plum Pudding Paranoia at the Airport

We receive our share of irrelevant press releases ("PROMOTE YOUR SPORTS BUSINESS!"), plus almost as many ostensibly relevant PR emails that are simply boring. Then there's the steady stream of press releases out of Las Vegas promoting this or that washed-up entertainer "headlining" at such-and-such small-time casino. Here's a somewhat unusual one though, and not just because it addressed us an "esteemed member of the media." Linda Smith of Vegas charity "Opportunity Village" used a publicist to send out a diatribe about her recent mistreatment at the hands of the TSA. They took her plum pudding, man! Still, one has to marvel at the TSA's paranoia, not to mention the inherent comedy of American Airlines issuing a toiletries kit that the TSA screeners immediately confiscate.

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Dear esteemed member of the media,

As a frequent air traveler, I am as concerned as anyone with security. I know that certain safeguards and measures have had to be put in place in this dangerous new century. But, given the importance of the security measures air travelers must now comply with, I don't understand how the employees of an agency as vital as our government's Transportation Security Administration (TSA) can be so, well, clueless.

I know these people, especially the screeners, are doing a thankless job and just following orders, and I do my best to comply with regulations, carrying my personal items in see-through plastic bags. On a recent flight connecting through Chicago's O'Hare Airport, I was given a "convenience kit" by American Airlines containing a toothbrush and paste, plastic comb, and other personal items. Imagine my shock when my carry-on was searched and the comb was confiscated because its points made it a potential weapon and the teeny tiny toothpaste discarded. How much sense does it make that an airline would give its passengers something that could potentially endanger passengers on another airline?

But this meant nothing next to an important Prague souvenir. A Czechoslovakian friend had given me a small jar, less than two ounces, of honey still in the comb as a gift for my intellectually disabled son. TSA personnel chose to confiscate the jar, saying the honey was liquid. I told them to look again; it was in the form of a hard, thick honeycomb, and they were welcome to open the jar and look at it. They refused, so I asked for the opinion of a supervisor, who agreed with his people and took the jar away.

This incident, however, might be the best. Once again traveling through O'Hare after a trip to England, my small container of plum pudding was confiscated. Plum pudding is a fruit cake with brandy flavoring. According to TSA personnel, since the brandy was liquid, it had to be disposed of. I was allowed to leave Great Britain with it, though, and our plane reached the United States intact, the same way our plane from Prague arrived in one piece.

Perhaps the most ironic thing of all is that, on the Chicago trip, I was carrying a 12-ounce bottle of suntan lotion that was never taken away. I would have willingly given it up to be in compliance with their rules but this went undetected.

TSA employees, for the most part, seem to be poorly trained, and in possession of little common sense. They seem to have little understanding about how to differentiate between products, between what is potentially dangerous and what isn't. And they are sorely lacking in people and customer relations skills, but since they have the last word they really don't have to worry about making good judgment calls.

It's obvious that screening personnel need to be better trained, or at least given a more uniform set of standards to follow. I know I'm not alone in my concerns, and would like to call for more sensible guidelines and improved, comprehensive training of federal screeners, not just in terms of what is and isn't dangerous, but in how to deal with tired travelers. The last thing I need to be told when I'm crossing international time zones is that my plum pudding might endanger the lives of others.

If you are interested in covering my story, please contact me at the information below. You have the power to make a difference by exposing the truth about our nation's inconsistent and inhumane transportation security system, while I am only one voice.

Sincerely,

Linda

Linda Smith
Chief Development Officer
Opportunity Village
6300 West Oakey Blvd.
Las Vegas, NV 89146
e-mail smithl@opportunityvillage.org

-- Chris Mohney