Douchebag Avoidance in Georgetown

The best way to avoid wankers in Georgetown is, well, to run over the Potomac away from them and towards Virginia. To make it worth your while, grab a cup of coffee in … the wee hours of the morning and waltz across the Francis Scott Key Bridge while watching tons of man-candy at crew practice. It's hard to hate a place when it's shimmering in the sunrise. Wear baggy sweatpants for the full middle-finger effect. (photo) [link]

Cafe Bonaparte is a teensy nook of get-fat awesomeness. They have a variety of sweet and savory crepes -- perfect for fickle palettes. I find nothing douchebaggy about … someone who wants to eat a Mirabeau (sautéed shrimp blended with a cilantro and citrus ricotta cheese accompanied by a saffron cream sauce) and then wash it down with a Martinique (caramelized mango slices topped with lemon sorbet and pistachio sprinkles). That person is my best friend. (photo) [link]

OK, so sometimes you'll find yourself stuck in Georgetown, and if this is the case, you'll probably need a beer. There are Chadwick's restaurants all over the DC area, … but this one is off the main strips of Georgetown and down by the movie theater, hidden in a tiny nook by the water. It's like stepping into an 1980s movie, so you'll have something (or someone) to slyly laugh at after a couple of brews. Bring your Jake Ryan lookalike boyfriend (cowboy boots and all) and eat fried zucchini strips. They are delicious. (photo) [link]

The staff of Jinx Proof will treat your piercing and tattoo needs right. The impeccably clean facility and friendly folks welcomes any client wanting to permanently scar … his or her bod. Avoid Friday nights and weekends when there's bound to be a bunch of Hoya freshmen girls getting their noses and belly buttons pierced. Their services are a bit expensive, but for the quality and aftercare they provide, it's well worth it. Plus, anyplace where you can get a bit of metal or punk miscreant action on M Street is bound to refresh. (photo) [link]

Things as warm and gooey as these pastries melt the stuffy core of G-town. Baked & Wired carries at least ten different kinds of each goodie, from cupcakes to cookies … to breads to pies to muffins. The little shoppe also carries a wide selection of coffees and teas. It's hard to resent the highbrow aura in this neck of DC when your pie-hole is stuffed with of sugary carbohydrates. You also can't yell expletives at passerby with your mouth full. (photo) [link]

Quick Pita will satisfy the following needs: the need to ingest a warm nubbin of goodness at 3 a.m., the need to feel like you're supporting a small hole in the wall of a … business, the need for Greek, and the need for a claustrophobic yet romantic and cheap eat in the heart of snob central. Since Quick Pita's delivery out of Georgetown takes over an hour, it makes more sense to go and sit on a stool with yogurt sauce dripping down your face. Get fries. Get baklava. Impress your vegetarian friends. And the best part is Quick Pita can't possibly get too crowded because it's maximum capacity has got to be something like three people. (photo) [link]